What is a narcissist going to do? If you're in a relationship with a malignant narcissist it's only a matter of time before you discover they BITE! Different from healthy narcissism or someone who may be 'a bit narcissistic' - the full- blown personality disorder is a devastating phenomena with chilling effects.
Luckily there are four signature, tell-tale signs of narcissism to watch out for in relationship ...
Just how strange are they? Let's take a closer look...
The behaviors accompanying narcissistic personality disorder are so strange - alien to our everyday way of thinking - that we often have a hard time recognizing them for what they really are. It's in our nature to recognize and see things as they fit within our preconceived notions and expectations.
We easily miss or dismiss things that don't.
For this reason we don't recognize someone dressed in casual attire if we're accustomed to seeing them in uniform. It's also why you wouldn't usually recognize a hometown neighbor if you happen to run across them while travelling abroad.
It shouldn't come as a big wonder then that a lot of what pathological narcissists do remains virtually invisible to us - although it may be occurring in front of our very eyes. How would a narcissist react to shows of love, affection, or vulnerability? It certainly isn't what you would expect!
In fact, it's often the last thing you'd expect to see from a warm blooded human being; let alone someone you love and who purportedly loves you back. That's why we are so easily blindsided by a narcissist.
As the relationship 'progresses' the tell-tale signs of narcissism become increasingly and painfully obvious. But we never see it coming. The stuff that goes into a true definition of narcissists is just too alien to us.
If the sheer unexpectedness of a narcissist's reactions and behaviors aren't enough to confuse the heck out of you, then their Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde routine will certainly complete the job.
What is a narcissist going to do? What are the signs of narcissism to look out for in relationship? Well that depends. While the definition of narcissism is enduring and stable - it's the three different phases of a narcissistic relationship that give a true narcissist definition.
You see ...
In each stage of a narcissistic relationship you find the narcissist becomes an impossibly different person in your life. Their reactions to the very same stimulus will often be diametrically opposite in one stage to the next. No wonder dealing with narcissistic relationships can be so disorienting!
Identifying or defining a narcissist, it seems, is a bit of a slippery slope when it comes to the unfolding reality of actual interaction over time.
During the idealization phase of a narcissistic relationship you will be dealing with the rather captivating and charming Dr. Jekyll. During the inevitable devalue and discard stages, however, you'll find yourself in a relationship with an exceedingly disagreeable and utterly ruthless Ms. Hide.
During these latter stages is when you experience the narcissist's BITE. The betrayal, inversion, torment and extraction all begin showing up in your life.
What is a narcissist going to do? The very name of this site contains the answer. Pathological narcissists, without exception, BITE! It's what narcissists do. If you're never bitten - you aren't in a relationship with a malignant narcissist.
It's as simple as that.
But what does their BITE look like? How do we know when we are being bitten by a narcissist?
At the very core of narcissistic personality disorder are the following four psychobehavioral traits - the four tell-tale signs of narcissism in relationship if you will.
A true-to-form malignant narcissist will always...
This is a narcissist's BITE.
Anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship with a pathological narcissist has experienced these four psycho behaviors in the flesh. The BITE is at the very core of what the narcissist is going to do - to you!
What is a narcissist going to do? If you're dealing with a malignant narcissist in your life it's only a matter of time before betrayal becomes evident. Betrayal is fundamental to the very making (and make-up) of a narcissist. It's the first and perhaps most essential of the signs of narcissistic personality disorder in the flesh.
Somewhere early in life the budding narcissist was deeply betrayed by those entrusted with their care (usually one, or both, of the parents who were narcissistic psychopaths themselves). Their vulnerable heart and tender soul - instead of being protected and loved - was callously and cold-bloodedly exploited.
Pathological narcissists are born to the worst kind of treachery.
The young and hapless child is so badly injured by this primary betrayal that they turn away from their true, albeit injured, self. They develop, latch onto and become a false persona instead - someone who is invulnerable to the indignities visited upon them as a child.
At this point, their original betrayal turns into a self-betrayal - the narcissist turns their back on their true self - as injured and bloodied as it is. Their wounded child, with all of its good and bad are thrown into a deep, dark cavern never to see the light of day again. A false self - which becomes a monstrous replacement completely takes over the show.
Far from their betrayal being forgotten (or forgiven) - it has now been assimilated. It is then revisited on you and I or anyone else unfortunate enough to have been admitted to the inner circle of a malignant narcissist's life. They have now become, perhaps unwittingly, the abusers - another narcissist living among us.
What is a narcissist going to do? They re-enact this deep seated treachery and betrayal in their most intimate relationships. Try to bind yourself to the true self of a narcissist and you too will be banished to the darkest dungeons of their soul.
What else is a narcissist going to do? One thing you can count on is that a narcissist is going to invert things every chance they get. They are absolute masters of inversion. According to www.thefreedictionary.com the word invert means:
One of the most perplexing and crazy-making characteristics of a narcissist is their ability and propensity to turn things upside-down and inside-out. The tag line of this site, 'surviving the upside-down world of the narcissist', has a lot to do with learning to identify inversion for what it is - a gross distortion of reality.
It's part of the magical thinking of the narcissist. It is also much more than that. But what is a narcissist going to do? They do live in an upside-down world all their own.
It's hard to be in a relationship with a narcissist without feeling, at a certain point, that either you or they must be going crazy. Aren't you glad you can stop wondering right now whether it is you! Boarding the roller coaster that is a relationship with a narcissist is a stomach-turning, mind-bending experience indeed. And no, it isn't you.
If you find yourself being turned upside-down and inside-out by your significant other, you're experiencing the second of the signs of narcissistic personality disorder in the flesh.
Narcissists invert in so many different situations, and in so many different ways, that we easily get thrown for a loop. We then find ourselves in a perpetual struggle to regain our balance. Following below are a number of situations where narcissists typically turn things upside-down on us...
What is a narcissist going to do when they are doing something wrong?
They'll accuse you of doing exactly what they are doing! A narcissist will accuse you of doing the very things that they are doing wrong, thereby diverting the attention off of their wrongdoing and on to you. While you're busy defending yourself from often ridiculous accusations, they're busy doing whatever it is they're accusing you of.
What is a narcissist going to do when they want to suppress a rush of conscious awareness or unbearable emotion?
The narcissist will try to evoke emotions in you that they themselves are feeling but aren't allowing - self-loathing, rage, neediness, self-doubt, frustration, confusion, impatience - all of these will be 'dumped' on you and more. As far as the narcissist is concerned, you get to experience these things so they don't have to! It's their emotional baggage being re-routed through you.
What is a narcissist going to do when you show them a glimpse of human vulnerability?
A narcissist will blow you out of the water with their upside-down reaction to honest expressions of vulnerability, feelings or needs. How dare you 'demand' her time or attention! You are there to be treated as she pleases.
Try extending a heart felt apology and she'll really tear into you. Bare your soul or make the mistake of being vulnerable with them ... and your well-placed emotional risk-taking will be rewarded with an attack of narcissistic rage akin to a sharks feeding frenzy triggered by the scent of blood.
They despise you for it.
What is a narcissist going to do when you constantly give of yourself to help them, support them, nurture them and love them?
They will turn their noses up on you and take your efforts as a given. In fact, you will get the distinct feeling that they view it as a real privilege for you to be afforded the opportunity to serve their every need. If only others would be so lucky (so the thinking of the narcissist goes)!
What is a narcissist going to do when you ask them for help or a favor in return?
They will 'help' you by giving you the absolute minimum in the way of time, effort or attention while at the same time projecting the distinct feeling that you should be grateful for even that. They are busy people don't you know, with important places to go and people to see! Narcissists are deliberate ingrates of the highest order.
After experiencing the ways in which narcissists betray, turn reality upside-down and use us to extract their narcissistic supply (discussed below) you may justifiably wonder if that isn't torment enough!
Well, narcissists don't stop there. They have more where that came from.
While anyone may unintentionally inflict pain and suffering on others, it is almost never done out of pure malice. Restitution of one kind or another is usually close at hand once a person realizes that they have truly done you wrong.
Not so with a narcissist.
Any wrongs visited upon you by the narcissist will never be acknowledged, let alone apologized for. The closest you're likely to get to an apology from a narcissist is some kind of lame explanation, excuse or justification for why they did what they did or why they acted how they acted.
One of the things that's hardest to fathom and accept about a malignant narcissist is that he or she actually derive joy from hurting and tormenting others. Notice how the narcissist reacts and behaves when you are at your lowest lows - they're most likely experiencing their highest highs!
Seeing your pain soothes their own and makes them feel powerful and mighty. 'If you're suffering mental torment and emotional agony at my hands - then I must be very powerful indeed' or so the twisted logic of a narcissist goes.
Anyone who needs to step on others to feel powerful, of course, is anything but. Needing to torment others to feel better about yourself not only points to a serious pathology; it makes you someone who is absolutely toxic to be around.
Incredibly the narcissist's very own children, and other loved ones they purportedly hold near and dear, are often recipients of the worst abuse they have to offer. These people - the narcissist knows - are heavily invested mentally, emotionally, financially or spiritually and are therefore ripe for the picking. Manipulation and exploitation 101 - a course taken into the bone by every narcissist - says that those who have a lot to lose will be the easiest to maneuver and take advantage of.
And narcissists do take full advantage.
The fact that they are family or would be family? What of it?! The narcissist's nearest and dearest are readily regarded and treated as primary sources of narcissistic supply. What is a narcissist to do but extract the supply they need...
Everything a narcissist does, at the end of the day, is aimed at gathering and securing narcissistic supply - the blood-life of anyone with narcissistic personality disorder. To a narcissist extracting narcissistic supply is a matter of survival.
They live for it, and it's what makes them the emotional vampires that they are.
What does narcissistic supply consist of? Any form of undivided attention serves as narcissistic supply. Love, praise, admiration, affection, adulation, fawning, complimenting are all ways we pay attention and give positive regard to others.
When offering this to a narcissist you are doing a good job of feeding them. Try to give the same to others and the narcissist will feel and act as if you're trying to take away their lunch!
A narcissist that can't get positive regard and attention from you, can also feed on its polar opposites. As long as the emotions are intense enough, the narcissist will feel significant - whether you are relating to them positively or negatively. If you're getting so worked up - it must mean that they matter. They exist! They're alive!
Neutrality and/or indifference are a death kiss to a narcissist, simply because there is no narcissistic supply to be had from it.
So there you have it - a narcissist's BITE in a nutshell.
Despite their alien mentality narcissists are actually a very predictable bunch. Whether you're dealing with a male or female narcissist, the pathology itself drives patterns of behavior that are both diagnostic and telling.
There is simply no getting around it - narcissists will BITE!
The four tell-tale signs of narcissism in relationship - the signature that every narcissist leaves in what they do - is their bite. When this is seen and clearly understood a choice is to be made...
To stay and be prey; or to simply walk away.
What Is A Narcissist Going To Do
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