I Married a Narcissist
I was young and naïve when Prince Charming swept me off my feet. He was incredibly romantic, caring, sensitive, compassionate. He brought me flowers every week, held doors open for me, bought me extravagant gifts. He catered to my every whim, my friends couldn't believe how lucky I was to have a man like him. We were engaged within six months of our first date.
Looking back now there were so many red flags but I was too naïve to pick up on them. The first sign...he was still married to his first wife, he neglected to tell me that until after I accepted his marriage proposal and was planning our wedding. We couldn't set a date until that pesky divorce was finalized.
The lack of any friends on his part...big red flag. The constant lying about everything. The warning from two of his high school teachers that I was making a big mistake. Nothing stopped me, I had my Prince Charming. How could I not marry him, we shared all the same dreams and goals in life.
Fast forward ten years into the marriage, I wanted children and always had...suddenly it was an issue, he wanted to wait, he wasn't ready. I had already waited ten years into the marriage... my biological clock was ticking. I then had a miscarriage, his epic response to my heartbreak? 'You'll get over it'.
Five years after the birth of my second child I had an appendix attack and while removing my appendix they found a cancerous tumor around the base of my appendix. The tumor was removed but I needed a colon re-section to prevent the spread/re-occurrence of the cancer. Just as I needed him the most - the BITE happened.
He would not go to the Doctors appts with me, nor to any of the testing. He said I was making the whole thing up for attention. I was pathetic and controlling etc. As I found out later he was having an affair with a 23year old and my illness was cutting into his fun.
I spent a week in the hospital after the re-section, my parents looked after our children so he could be at the hospital with me....except he wasn't at the hospital with me. He spent the week with his girlfriend.
The day I was released from the hospital he dropped me at home and left for a "business trip" which was a weekend jaunt to Chicago with his girlfriend. After counseling and therapy I finally divorced him after 18 years of marriage.
I thought I was crazy, he had me convinced I was a crazy nut and a total loser. He said no one would hire me or want to be in a relationship with me. I have been happier since my divorce than I ever thought possible. I was so beat down and emotionally drained being married to him.
I still have the emotional scars from the relationship and I probably always will; but I have come to realize that I am OK.
After we had been divorced for several years he was making another attempt to reconcile with me. He said that he was upset because I had divorced him. Bottom line - he was upset that I had the nerve to divorce him and follow through with it and how dare I not go back with him.
My advice to anyone in a relationship with a Narcissist - it is NOT YOU. The narcissist will do everything in their power to convince you it is your fault. It isn't. Just get out and stay out, trust me you will be healthier and happier.
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