Too Good To Be True
The narcissist I was involved with was too good to be true. He played his role and should've been nominated for an Oscar. There were red flags in the beginning. But when society has trained women to normalize certain behavior, you find yourself sweeping things under the rug.
At the time I'd met him, I was dealing with family problems. So one night when I ran to him to bunk and sleep things off, I revealed one vulnerability and this enabled him to lure me in as seeing him as my hero. Narcs learn so much from hearing us talk. They observe.
He watched my lack of support from my family and how they were at each other's throats. So he probably knew right off how to prey on me. I was one of those eggs that was hard to crack. He was just too good to be true. After about 3 years and things with him seemed to just get better and better, I sort of felt he was the one.
A narc never does nothing and doesn't expect to be rewarded more. That shiny paint began to show scratches when I learned basically he wanted a servant. Someone to cook, clean, take care kids, have sex, run errands, not even to mention the rest of the things on the list.
He had locked his eyes on something that I had that I didn't recognize and he was set on marrying me. A narc is like the wind. They blow hot and cold. So I felt I had this man by my side he's not perfect but he's providing. He wasn't verbally or physically abusive.
But too much later I learned he was rather discreet with his abuse (psychologically). When I became ill, his expectations of what I was suppose to do and wasn't doing was strikes against me.
When I would complain or refuse not even to mention point out his flaws, he was holding all of this against me because in his mind, "You do as you're told not as you think."
In his eyes I was rebellious and he psychologically tampered with me.
He knew he was ending the relationship but he did it underhandedly. He would provoke me to end it and when I'd say I was done it was like he wasn't satisfied with that answer either. I was stuck. I really didn't have any financial support. He knew I didn't want to run home because that was like trading the witch for the devil. He knew my illness had me reliant on him.
He allowed the other woman to pull the strings. She came out of the woods announcing their relationship. He wanted to humiliate me. What better way than having an arrogant woman to do it for you. He wanted me to know. He seemed to receive pleasure from her posting pictures of them before I knew up until I knew. He wanted her to fill me and the world in through social media.
This was I guess my punishment. Her making fun of me in public--this was my punishment. She was the perfect lil puppet doing everything that he needed her to do. And to think that I was miserable, he enjoyed every moment of it.
He never stopped calling me. Never stopped gifting me on special days. I never knew what a narc was until l met him. When I look at him I see something eery and dark behind that exterior.
It's crazy how he still tries to control me and I guess keep me on the shelf just in case. But now that I have learned who I was dealing with I see him for who he is. And I know I couldn't ever expect or want anything more from him. I was sleeping with the enemy and saw him as my hero.