10 weeks to realize what a narcissist is going to do
My story begins with fleetingly meeting a male narcissist age 44 years old one cold November day while visiting a minimum security prison.
I didn't know his name or his index offence, he seemed quite passive, harmless and almost gentle like. Months passed and one day sitting in the polar of prison, at church - in walks the narcissist.
This time he approached me and introduced himself, he then sought approval of us getting together from an upstanding prominent helper figure in the community.
Okay, I thought he seems like such a handsome gentleman, quite intriguing too. He captivated my heart and soul that very day. Then, as quickly as he came, so quickly he disappeared (for a while).
Hmmmmm... it made me wonder, but I'm not an expert by any means in the relationship department, in fact I didn't date or have a boyfriend for many, many years.
Then he reappeared and asked me out, and I made the mistake of accepting. At first it seemed good, I was caught up in the best time ever. Wow, he could make me feel great about myself and life.
Then something strange happened. He lived in a halfway house and I realized I could not contact him there; and that only he could contact me. If I were to contact him he would have to report me to his parole officer and then my reputation in the community would be tarnished as I have quite a bit of education and well he didn't.
Okay, I thought I would give this a try because in 6 months he would be free on full parole and we would start our lives together. He seemed so nice, so remorseful of his crime stemming back 10 years ago.
Then about 9 weeks into the relationship something changed, he seemed disengaged yet still needy. He needed me to tell him how good he was etc, etc... yet when I needed him for emotional support he would again disappear.
Then the betrayal. We would have the best day together, cuddling, watching movies, etc for hours and he would leave and go on line in search of other women, or much younger women.
It didn't make sense. I knew there was nothing wrong with me and my self-confidence was usually high - but all that got turned around in this relationship.
I couldn't believe he started cheating on me with scantily clad cheap young prostitutes. I was horribly crushed, it felt like a sucker punch to my soul, I felt like dying.
Deep inside I slowly began to do just that. I felt depressed and nothing made sense. I'd definitely been bitten - the betrayal, inversion and torment - all there. Gosh!
I realized he liked keeping secrets. In fact, he would say to me, 'I lied to you because I didn't want to hurt you.'
I would try to break free and end the relationship but he would pursue me to no end to win me back, telling me how much he loved and needed me. Then when he won me back, he'd proceed to betray me yet again.
Then I saw it, he enjoyed watching me in extreme emotional pain. I felt sick to my stomach, that sucker punch in the soul again. I kept looking in the mirror over and over asking what is wrong with me? Why is this happening?
He had shared how his mom, when he was 8 years old, had abandoned him. He saw her again at age 14 and she abandoned and rejected him again. He grew up being abused by parent figures. I guess this was when and where the narcissist formed?
I never knew about narcissistic personality disorder until I heard about a young woman age 24 getting betrayed and brutally murdered by her boyfriend who was pathological narcissist.
That's when the light came on.
This guy I was dating kept manipulating his ex-girlfriends and friends into hating me. He would gossip behind my back, back stab me every chance he could get. Yet I hadn't done him any wrong.
I finally gave up on him and told him to leave. I felt he wanted to kill me. I found out his index offence was murder, he was serving a 14 year sentence.
Betrayal was at the forefront of this guys personality ... he loved to betray and he liked keeping secrets. He acted weird around me after that, all secretive.
I felt like I might be the one doing him in in the end. I loathed him. But, I loved him too. Finally I wrote him a dear John letter, short and to the point.
I called him on being so two faced and I told him, if it's a game he's playing, I'll show him how the game is played. It's called $%^& #$%!.
I don't anticipate seeing him ever again. He ended up back in prison and of course blames me for it even though I had nothing to do with him breaching his conditions.
So much for giving someone a second chance in life after he swore up and down he was so sorry for his past and only wanted to settle down with a beautiful wife and start a family of his own. I believed him and gave him that chance. It just seemed so real and honest at the time.
It only took 9 weeks for the real him to show through. I am so thankful to have read all about narcissists as I blamed myself and started to believe I was the one who was unattractive.