Surviving narcissistic abuse isn't a mere matter of learning how to endure the insufferable. How disempowering such an aim would be! When mental and emotional vulnerabilities are unnervingly exposed - an opening takes place.
Within the mind-bending, soul wrenching realities of narcissistic abuse, a greater good is waiting to be had. It is up to us to seize these opportunities using the utmost resourcefulness and creativity as we make our way. The resources below can help.
Narcissists as mental abusers are expert at detecting emotional, mental and spiritual vulnerabilities. They are human predators, remember, and as such they have an instinctive ability to hone in - and ruthlessly attack the 'chinks' in your armor - vulnerabilities you may not have appreciated or even realized you had.
They do this so naturally (instinctively - requiring very little effort or forethought) that it easily slips beneath your radar. What the narcissist is up to goes largely unnoticed and suddenly you're caught off guard - taken so often completely by surprise.
Welcome to ...
Surviving narcissistic abuse can feel like surviving a storm - not just any old storm brought on by what might be considered 'average' or 'normal' relationship turmoil. This one is the perfect storm - so merciless that it turns you inside-out and upside-down - throwing you beyond any comfort zones you may have effectively used as refuge in the past.
Surviving such a storm requires moving from weakness to strength, from despair to courage and from ignorance to understanding in ways you may not have experienced before.
A relationship with a narcissist is an invitation to take that journey. More than an invitation - it will have you insisting on it. Relationships with narcissists urge you towards a dawning awareness - a real opportunity to move from the narcissist's bite to light.
There's something extremely compelling about being (or having been) in a relationship with a narcissist. It's a push towards freedom that won't be ignored - not only freedom from the narcissist, but from some of your deepest limitations and blind spots as well.
You're most likely feeling it as we speak. The urgency to comprehend. The insistence to understand what the hell is going on? Why is the narcissist acting this way? Why, why - and WHY?
You need to know.
You demand to understand.
You think that if you can understand, then maybe you can influence the narcissist to change for the better in some ways.
Yet despite your best efforts - you can't understand. After all, some things just don't compute and narcissists have the uncanny trait of bringing you up against those things time and again.
Is it you? Is it them? Is it perhaps their upbringing? Is it your upbringing? All of this you ask yourself and more. Yet all the while something else is happening - something is tugging at you, calling for your attention, your awareness...
Subconscious currents from the depths of your mind want to make themselves known. That's what's so compelling! Compulsions are always the territory of the subconscious mind - that subterranean river of emotion and motivation flowing just beneath the surface of our conscious mind.
If you need something - if you're compelled to know something - rest assured it's your subconscious, not conscious mind, that's doing the talking.
Becoming aware of a problem doesn't necessarily mean you've found a solution. Emotions are notoriously unreasonable and trying to consciously think yourself out of an emotional predicament can often be tricky and down right ineffective.
The emotional intensity and extremity typically experienced in relationships with narcissists highlights this problem to an even greater extreme. You could drive yourself crazy just thinking about it!
Surviving narcissistic abuse is effectively approached at a deeper level. Take care of the subconscious currents calling for your attention (see specific resources below) and the questions you've been obsessing about will fade in intensity and importance. The urgency will subside. The obsession with the narcissist and why they do what they do will diminish.
The realization finally dawns that the narcissist has very little to do with any of this. If you're looking to develop indifference towards a narcissist this is it. They are mere messengers - delivering something to you they didn't even know they had.
Your real work - as well as your freedom and spiritual independence - at this point begins.
'Knee jerk' emotional reactions can easily sabotage even the most earnest and best of intentions. We experience this clearly in relationships with narcissists - for example, when our better judgement tells us to pull away but we continually get sucked back in.
We try and try, but fail. Time and again the emotional center of our brain - our subconscious mind - gets the better of us. What's going on here? Or, more importantly, what can be done differently so that next time we succeed where we've so often failed?
The resources below offer another way - perhaps something a bit different than what you're accustomed to or have been familiar with thus far. Part of being resourceful and creative in finding solutions to problems - especially thorny ones as is the case in dealing with narcissists - is the willingness to explore new avenues right? After all, if you're in a relationship with a malignant narcissist what do you really stand to lose? What would be the price of not trying?
So here goes ... bringing a new way of thinking to an old way of doing things ...
Rather than try forcing emotions to cooperate - when they're making it perfectly clear they'd rather not - aim to initiate a genuine dialogue between body and mind instead. There are different ways to do this, but one of the most effective and readily accessible ways I know of is through the instant audio downloads below.
The real beauty and benefit to be had from opening effective channels of communication between the conscious-subconscious mind extends far beyond just surviving narcissistic abuse. It's a tool - a skill - that can be put towards ongoing personal development, spiritual growth and achievement in life.
This has certainly been my experience. I still use these tools as a means of uniting my mind (motivation & intention) to enhance my quality of life in areas that call for attention. My narcissistic ex is long gone - but the benefits continue to flow into my life - little thanks to her of course.
Ready to move from bite to light? Give these resources a try and see how far you can go...
New Life Newsletter - A newsletter written by Melanie Tonia Tobias, a narcissistic abuse survivor that had not only overcome her ordeal but has truly thrived in response to it. Ever since she's dedicated her life to help others overcome their own relationship nightmares with narcissists while coming out on top. Her style and approach to surviving narcissistic abuse may or may not be a good fit to what you're looking for, but I can recommend you give her a try.
The Three Keys to Surviving Narcissistic Abuse - A free webinar also hosted by Melanie. Next one starts on July 27th, 2016.
Free Video Training Course In Hypnosis - This free 5-day course will introduce you to the world of hypnosis and give you a good idea of how you can start using it to great benefit in your life. Once you have the basics down, you can then proceed to target areas that are particularly relevant to surviving and recovering from abusive relationships with narcissists.
*As I become aware of further resources that can help with surviving narcissistic abuse I'll be adding them to this page for your future reference and benefit. Sign-up for our Bite-to-Light newsletter updates below and you won't miss a thing!
Surviving Narcissistic Abuse