Are you in love with a narcissist? Love is a big word and sometimes hard to exactly define - but if you're suffering in your relationship and are at your wits ends trying to make any sense of what's been going on - you owe it to yourself to ask some tough questions...
'Have I unwittingly fallen in love with a malignant narcissist?' 'Am I in the thick of a narcissistic relationship?' 'Have I fallen into a trap that I wasn't even aware of?'
Falling in love with a narcissist isn't as unlikely as you may think. No matter how smart, intelligent or capable you are - the pull of narcissistic seduction shouldn't be underestimated.
After all, it isn't like malignant narcissists walk around with warning signs pasted all over their foreheads. In fact, the opposite is actually the case. True to their predatory nature, narcissists prefer the shadows. Their true colors are never revealed - until or unless they know they're most likely to get away with it.
Not knowing you're being targeted by a human predator, you naturally see and treat your partner as you would any other human being - as someone looking to find happiness - hopefully with you.
You fall into the trap.
I certainly did, and with an educational background in criminal psychology you'd think I'd know better! But nope. The realization of what I was truly dealing with was an unfolding process - only once a certain level of intimacy and involvement was reached did things really start going haywire.
Only then was I 'treated' to glimpses of the narcissist behind the mask and realized what is a narcissist going to do?
And even then, I was too disoriented by the whole experience to effectively do much about it, at least at first. This is why coming across a website like this is so life-affirming. It helps you see what you're up against and that you're not the one who's crazy after all.
Hearing stories from others who've fallen in love with a narcissist helps put your own situation into perspective. It helps you find your footing in a reality that has been viciously turned upside-down.
Narcissists aren't as scarce or as obvious to detect as one might hope. You may start dating someone that appears to be everything you've been hoping for... and before you know it, you're in love with a narcissist! Fairy tale to nightmare isn't an easy transition to swallow, nor to navigate ...
Falling in love with a narcissist may feel like falling in love with any other romantic partner from your past. Like any other love affair - if fees innocent and pure at first.
At least that's what's happening on your end of things. On the other end however...
Something else is brewing.
Love to a narcissist is nothing more than a means to an end. They know that in order to control you they need to first bring you under their influence. And what better, more powerful way to influence somebody, than to bring them under the spell of love?
Narcissists are gifted alchemists. This is how they can take one of the most powerful, wholesome and rewarding experiences known to man - the experience of love - and reduce it to an ugly tool of domination and control.
Narcissists will be the sweetest, most charming and lovable people - until they feel they have you sufficiently under their spell (control). Once they feel your emotional involvement is secured - that's when they'll begin taking liberties - liberties that a truly loving person would never contemplate, let alone attempt, with their significant other.
Once you're at your most vulnerable - mentally, emotionally or even financially - you'll be attacked. Your narcissistic partner won't even have to stop to think or plan -the timing of their attack guided by pure predatory instinct. It'll be as if they're guided by the unspoken dictum 'if something is bleeding, swoop in for the kill!'.
Stunned, confused, bewildered - you're utterly thrown off your feet.